


The Caged Ladybird

by festiveruin



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, mostly just a mai character piece, written for the avatar amino secret santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28350309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/festiveruin/pseuds/festiveruin
Summary: “Mai was envious. One of the things that had appealed her to him was that he was as lost as she was. But now Zuko had purpose and she didn’t.”
Relationships: Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	The Caged Ladybird

Mai was four years old when she was first told to not disrupt her father’s career. 

He had finally been permitted to move to the Fire Nation capital where all the nobles lived. She hadn’t known what that meant until she had been sent home for slinging mud at the wrong boy who’d pulled her hair.

“That was Admiral Chan’s son.” Her mother had taken her to a back room while her father was apologizing to the boy’s mother. “The Fire Lord has recently taken notice of him. We cannot risk your father’s career.”

Mai had scowled. “Chan pulled my hair. He deserved it.”

She couldn’t cut her hair. Girls were supposed to have long hair. And…she liked her hair. She didn’t want to cut it because of some stupid boy.

“We can’t take any risk that anything we do goes back to the Fire Lord,” her mother said. “It doesn’t matter if he deserves it.”

The next day, Mai’s mother tied her hair up for school.

* * *

Mai was enrolled into the Royal Fire Academy for Girls when she was eight. Her mother said that Father jumped through hoops to get her into that school so she needed to appreciate it. Mai never said a thing, just as she was told.

“Make a lot of friends, all right?” Mother said. Her words were coated in honey. What she really meant was “make a lot of friends for your father’s career.” He had already used her to meet one of the Imperial Firebenders with the promise of an arranged marriage for his son. Mai didn’t know much of what came from the meeting but was just thankful that the soldier had decided that she and his son weren’t a good match.

“I will,” Mai intoned dully.

She didn’t like the academy, but they taught all of the girls how to fight. There were fewer and fewer firebenders being born to the Fire Nation and Fire Lord Ozai’s war council was worried about what it would mean for the future of the War.

Mai picked knives. She could hide them under her clothes so Father couldn’t tell her not to disrupt anyone. Knives weren’t disruptive. They were quiet, just like her. They fit her. She liked them.

Father praised her for the first time when she showed him her marks for her combative ability. “You will be an asset for the Fire Nation,” he said. “I’m proud of you, Mai.”

His praise made Mother smile. She rarely did that. It made Mai happy. She continued to practice with her knives.

* * *

Mai was ten when Prince Ozai’s daughter was enrolled into the Royal Fire Academy for Girls and she was one of the first girls that the princess approached.

“You’re really good at throwing knives,” Azula stated. “And archery.”

Remembering how her mother told her to respect Princess Azula, Mai bowed deeply. “Thank you, Princess,” she said. The princess was nearly three years younger than she was but her demeanor was one that Mai preferred to avoid.

Father wouldn’t like to hear that she tossed away an opportunity to speak to the princess though. She had to swallow her discomfort. If the princess complained about it, she would be talked to. At best.

“Teach me.”

Mai blinked at the request. Demand. “Your Highness?”

“I want you to show me how to throw knives.”

_“Make a lot of friends, all right?”_

“Okay.”

Azula’s smile reminded Mai of a piranha-shark that she ate for dinner. It still had all of its teeth and she had nightmares of it jumping from the table and biting off her face for more than a week. “You can come to the palace after school then,” she said. “Ty Lee is coming too.”

Mai didn’t know who Ty Lee was, but Father was beyond happy that she had caught the attention of the Fire Nation princess.

* * *

“I want to see your house,” Princess Azula said. “Ty Lee’s house is too little.”

“My mother is having guests over…” Mai drifted off. She glanced at Ty Lee. Her eyes widened as she quickly looked down at the ground. Mai shifted her gaze back at the princess.

Azula crossed her arms. Her expression became unreadable, she said, “I guess I’ll just have to ask your father instead.” Her tone was completely cold. She stuck out her bottom lip into a faux pout. “I’ll tell him that you decided that you didn’t want me over but—”

Mai’s heart jumped. “I’ll just tell my mother once we’re there. I’m sure she’ll understand.”

Behind Azula, Ty Lee breathed a sigh of relief. She gave Mai a small smile. She couldn’t interpret it.

“I’m sure she will.” Azula’s expression pulled into a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Thank you, Mai.”

Mai bowed, staring intently down at the grass at her feet. The back of her eyes burned and she felt like there was cotton stuck in the back of her throat.

When Azula came to Mai’s house, she demanded that she be allowed to eat all of Mother’s sweet buns she’d saved for their guests.

Mai’s favorite set of knives were given to Princess Azula. It was punishment for not telling Mother about the Princess’ visit a week in advance and thus they didn’t have anything good enough to offer her as a thanks for seeing them.

* * *

Mai had never spoken to Prince Zuko but she would see him watching as she played with Azula. A month after her bi-weekly visits to the palace began, Mai asked, “Does Prince Zuko want to join us, Princess?”

“Zuzu?” Azula scoffed. “He’s not good at anything. He’ll just waste your time.”

The prince flinched so hard to Azula’s comment that even Mai noticed it. “I’m…sure that he could learn,” she said. She was supposed to make the princess like her, but she felt sorry for him. Besides, Father couldn’t be upset if she stuck up for the prince. “I don’t think he can be bad at everything…”

Azula scoffed. “Whatever you say,” she said. Eventually, she grew frustrated with being unable to hit the target and burnt the dummy to cinders. Mai’s kunai were unsalvageable. She told herself that it was fine. She didn’t like that set all that much anyway. They were for beginners and Father would buy her another set soon.

The following day, she saw Prince Zuko once more playing with a knife while making occasional glances in her direction.

Azula had been called away by Prince Ozai for firebending practice and Ty Lee poked Mai in the back. “You should help Prince Zuko,” she said. “He’s really nice.” She giggled. “He really wants to learn knife throwing from you.”

“…How do you know that?” She asked.

“It’s written all over his aura!”

Of course. What else was she expecting?

Still.

Mai approached the prince. “You’re holding it too tight. …Your Highness,” she tacked on.

He looked at her suspiciously, leaning away from her. He looked like he was expecting her to light him on fire. If his sister was Princess Azula, she wouldn’t doubt that was a real thing to worry about. Mai still remembered the smell of Ty Lee’s burnt braid, singed turtle ducks, and the sounds of Azula’s laughter.

“If you want to be able to use knives well, you need to be able to maneuver them easily.” She stared down at the ground. She felt her face burn. “I—Ty Lee said that you wanted to…learn…knives.”

The prince didn’t say anything for a while. Mai hoped that she hadn’t somehow insulted the prince. Her father would be far from pleased. She could lose all of his goodwill that he had for her. She never should have listened to Ty Lee. She never knew what she was talking about.

“I-I’m sorry, Your Highness,” she stammered out. “I overstep—”

“No!” The prince blurted suddenly, making Mai jump. “I…uh…I want…you to show me how to throw knives.”

Mai’s lips pulled up into a small, involuntary smile. “Okay, I will.”

She didn’t tell Father when she started teaching Zuko how to throw knives. She wanted to teach him by herself. She didn’t want to be forced to continue if he turned out to be anything like Princess Azula.

Ty Lee didn’t think that he was though. Not that Mai believed in any of her “aura” things, but she trusted Ty Lee. For as much as she could trust someone from the palace.

* * *

Zuko became Mai’s favorite part about going to the palace. She even looked forward to it when Azula invited her. He wasn’t as fast a learner as Azula but he was far from bad. He was quite good in fact. Mai knew what bad learners looked like and Zuko wasn’t one of them. He was a much better student than Azula was though.

He would actually listen to her. And since Father didn’t know about him—and he didn’t know to tell him about her—Mai didn’t need to censor her critique. It was nice. He seemed scared of Azula, similar to how she was. In that way, she supposed they were the same.

She always looked forward to seeing him.

Azula noticed though, like she always did. She was observant that way. “You’re wasting your time with Zuzu,” she sniffed. “He’s not going to accomplish anything.”

“I like being with him,” Mai said without thinking. She snapped her mouth shut. She expected Azula to chastise her but the harsh words never came.

Instead she shrugged her shoulders and wandered off.

Zuko was the first person that Mai decided that _she_ wanted to talk to. It didn’t matter that he was the prince. He was Mai’s first friend that she made herself and thought she could keep. She didn’t know when that would happen again. Azula rarely ever let Mai—or Ty Lee for that matter—have friends outside of her. She didn’t like it when either of their attention wasn’t entirely on her. But with Zuko, she didn’t have to know. He wouldn’t tell Azula, and Ty Lee certainly wouldn’t.

Prince Zuko was Mai’s first taste of freedom.

* * *

The news of Prince Lu Ten’s death was followed mere days by Princess Ursa’s disappearance, Fire Lord Azulon’s death, and Prince Ozai’s rise to the throne. Mai didn’t know either of those people well, but Princess Ursa had always been kind to her and Zuko would talk about his cousin frequently. Apparently he was a firebender that liked to spend time training with weapons. After experiencing how much firebenders liked to dismiss nonbenders, Mai could respect that, to a degree. Azula obviously valued them though, and so did Zuko, so the royal family must have been an exception to that rule.

Zuko had gone from fourth in line to the throne to first. Mai hadn’t even thought about it until Father told her one day, “You should become friends with Princess Azula’s brother. He will be Fire Lord one day.”

She didn’t tell him that she already was. Or she thought she was. She hoped she was.

A week after the celebrations for Fire Lord Ozai’s coronation, Azula finally invited Mai and Ty Lee back to the royal palace. Zuko was the first person she looked for—because she was worried about him; _not_ because her father told her to—and he was sitting alone by the turtle duck pond.

Mai approached him while Ty Lee continued trying to show Azula how to do some sort of flip. She would probably go home with at least two new bruises from being shoved by her.

“Are you okay?” Mai asked.

“’M okay,” Zuko answered. He was mumbling. If that were her, Father would probably slap her for it later.

“Okay.” Mai sat down next to him anyway. He probably didn’t deserve to get slapped. His mother and cousin had just died.

His eyes were rimmed with red. That meant someone had been crying. Mai only knew because of Ty Lee. She hadn’t cried in years, and Azula only ever made other people cry. …Primarily made Ty Lee cry of course.

Ty Lee usually just wanted a hug but Mai didn’t know if she was supposed to do that with Zuko, so just sitting would have to be enough.

When Mai went home that evening, Zuko caught her sleeve before she left. She felt like her heart had leapt out of her chest at the touch.

“Thank you,” he mumbled before flushing bright red and running away.

Mai smiled to herself, feeling her cheeks warm. It was a nice feeling.

* * *

Zuko was Mai’s first kiss when she was thirteen. They talked about practicing for the future, and then they had. And they kept practicing until Azula called Mai away. That was a nice feeling too.

“You’re in such a good mood today,” Azula remarked critically.

Mai wasn’t sure if the princess liked it all that much, but she found that she didn’t care even if she didn’t. Actually trying to kiss was a better sensation than having to watch people do it. She hoped to practice more tomorrow.

Azula didn’t comment on her relationship with her brother much after that. Mai never figured out why, but she was thankful for it nevertheless. Even when Ty Lee would tease her about it, Azula stayed out of it. Maybe the princess had some shred of decency after all.

* * *

Zuko was banished from the Fire Nation shortly after his thirteenth birthday and the palace became a much colder place. Ty Lee had said nothing when Azula got angry with Mai for saying that Zuko had become a better knife-thrower than her and she decided to use her as target practice for firebending precision exercises.

Mai wasn’t angry at Ty Lee though. She would have hated it if they both got in trouble with the princess, especially since that didn’t need to happen. The burns were easy enough to hide and Ty Lee even brought Mai some salve a few days later. At least they both knew Azula wasn’t above firebending at them. She’d always wondered.

“My father is moving out to one of the colonies,” Mai said to Ty Lee shortly after the Precision Exercise Incident. “He finally got his wish and is governor of one of them.”

Ty Lee blinked. She didn’t look happy at all, but it was only for a split second before she grinned and wrapped her arms around her neck. “Oh, I’m so happy for you, Mai! I bet you’re so excited.”

“Yeah,” she droned.

Mai was happy though. She didn’t have to be around Azula anymore. Or wonder about Zuko whenever she looked down at the turtle duck pond. It had been four months too long since he’d sent her his last letter.

* * *

The colonies were boring. There wasn’t anything to do and Mai had just gotten a letter from Ty Lee about her recent adventures as an acrobat at some circus she’d run away to. She invited her to become one of the knife throwers and they could make their own circus.

Mai would be lying if she said she never considered it. It would give her something to do.

Her family had real guards now. It was unnerving to see them around every corner like they had been at the royal palace. She thought she would be able to stop thinking about Azula after she went away.

When her family was sent to the newly-conquered city of Omashu, she hoped things would be better.

* * *

When the Avatar took Tom-Tom (and when Azula used him as leverage thereafter), Mai’s family moved back to the Fire Nation capital. They seemed to realize that living with a bunch of angry, dirt-throwing peasants was dangerous. At least for Tom-Tom, anyways.

“Don’t worry about your things, Mai,” Father said. “They’ll all be as they were when we move them back. Just make sure to do whatever it is the princess wants. I always knew that you’d be an asset to our great nation.”

Mai didn’t react. It sounded like he’d recited that from a propaganda poster. Made her want to puke. She didn’t know how people could seriously just do that and not expect to be made a mockery of.

“Remember, we’ll always be there when you come back,” Mother said. She was letting Tom-Tom pull on her hair. She wondered if she’d ever been allowed to do that when she was young. “I know you’ll bring glory to the Fire Nation and honor to our family.”

She rolled her eyes boredly and looked away. She’d heard the same thing a million times. Couldn’t they at least try to memorize different propaganda posters for once? At least it would make her want to listen.

* * *

Azula was determined to re-take Ba Sing Se and Mai didn’t understand why. All she’d been told to do was capture General Iroh and Zuko, who had at some point gone traitor. (Mai hoped that at least the latter wasn’t true. If nothing else, she could say that she supported her nation, same as every other good Fire Nation citizen.)

She forced Mai and Ty Lee into awful Kyoshi Warrior uniforms and had to awkwardly figure out how they liked to do their makeup.

“It doesn’t have to be perfect, Mai,” Ty Lee said. "The Earth King didn’t even suspect a thing!”

“The Earth King is an idiot,” Mai drawled. “He was trying too hard to impress Azula.” Not that Azula did anything to dissuade him. She almost definitely noticed it too and it was yet another weapon some fool offered up to her on a silver platter. She didn’t understand why people would do that to themselves and then act surprised when Azula used that weapon against them.

She giggled. “That’s with _all_ guys though. Even Zuko!” She added. “He did some really dumb stuff to get your attention, Mai.”

“…Really?” Mai hoped that it wasn’t anything too dumb. She would hate for him to look stupid. That was the last thing she wanted, actually.

“Oh yeah.”

Ty Lee didn’t elaborate and simply returned to painting her face.

Mai sighed. Maybe she would get lucky and she would never find out.

* * *

Zuko had returned to the Fire Nation and was very nearly a different person. He was so angry and would get upset at nearly everything she said. Mai didn’t understand what the problem was. She didn’t understand what his problem was or why he didn’t ever want to tell her anything. She knew what caused him to change so much, and she was hardly the same person that he knew three years ago. But she still felt the same she did for him.

He never apologized for the harsh words he would throw at her, but neither would she. They would take each other back as they were. After everything was said and done, Mai still trusted that Zuko wouldn’t leave her. His loyalty knew no equal, after all.

Her romantic life was like ice and fire, but she never thought that Zuko would leave her. At least until he did. He didn’t even tell her to her face that he wanted to betray his country for the Avatar. All he told her was that he was leaving. That was it. She learned everything else from Azula.

“Don’t worry, Mai. I will get Zuzu back and you’ll be able to tell him about everything that he made you feel.” Her tone was as sharp as Mai’s knives before she was called away by her father.

Ty Lee pursed her lips. “What are you going to do now?” She asked.

Mai crossed her arms. “Go back home until Azula calls me again. What else?”

The answer didn’t seem to make the worried expression on her face go away. “Are you sure? Because—”

“I’m going home,” she interrupted Ty Lee before she could finish. She wished that there was a door on the exit so she could slam it. She normally called whoever did that immature, but it felt _good_ to slam doors. Besides, immature was exactly how she was feeling. Immature and stupid for thinking that Zuko wasn’t anything other than a stupid, fickle boy that didn’t know what he wanted in life.

* * *

Zuko was acting more sure of himself than she had ever seen him before. She was right about her previous assumption about him; he _didn’t_ know what he wanted. He’d even said as much before, but Mai had never known how much that was true until now.

He seemed freer in that Boiling Rock prison cell than she had ever seen him at the royal palace. A huge weight that she hadn’t realized was there had been lifted from his shoulders. And it had taken him to betray everything he knew for that to happen.

Mai was envious. One of the things that had appealed her to him was that he was as lost as she was. Or...aimless, rather. Mai never had some grandiose plan for her future like Azula did, or even Ty Lee. She took things as they came, and only reacted to the events around her. It was ironic that Zuko felt the same in that way. He was supposed to be next in line for the throne (or was, rather), but he never seemed like he knew what he wanted. All he did was listen to whatever his father asked of him. Like Mai, he’d always been a passive leaf flowing down the creek that their parents made for them.

Now he… Had an oar. Or however else she was intending that metaphor to go.

Maybe it was selfish, but Mai felt safe that someone was as lost as she was. It made her feel that maybe her life wasn’t as pointless as she sometimes felt it was. But now Zuko had purpose and she didn’t. Her entire life, that purpose had been given to her and she would take it. She was a political tool for her father, a weapon for Azula, a safety net for Ty Lee, and a sense of normalcy for Zuko. But now he’d found where he wanted to be and she…

Mai swallowed dryly. She was behind him now. He had dug in his heels and made a place in the world for himself. No one else could have done that for him. Maybe there wasn’t any room for her in that place anymore.

The same was true for her and she knew it. Maybe she wasn’t meant to be with Zuko, but she knew he was still on what felt like a suicide mission. To her, at least. There was no way he would be able to escape with that many trained firebenders after him. She didn’t want him to die right after he’d finally, _finally_ been able to do something good for himself. She was envious, but… She loved Zuko too. If anyone deserved to have their place in the world, it was him.

Mai could say without a shadow of a doubt that she wanted best for him.

He said he was saving the Fire Nation, and he meant it. Mai unsheathed one of her knives. “He’d better mean it,” she muttered.

* * *

Mai didn’t see herself as throwing anything away. She had been nothing but a tool for someone else to use, only motivated by her fear. Fear of what her parents thought, what they would do, and…

Mai turned to Azula. She didn’t blink. She didn’t know why she didn’t feel scared. But she did feel freed. Azula couldn’t control her anymore. She had absolutely nothing over her. If she’d thrown anything away, she’d thrown away the tools that people used to use and manipulate her. Mai had made her own decision, and she didn’t choose Azula.

She would be killed for this. She already knew that. She was no fool, even if her actions spoke otherwise. She couldn’t outrun lightning. But Mai would be damned if she didn’t die fighting.

As Azula raised her hand, ready to summon lightning, she was hit by a few short jabs.

Ty Lee was the only one efficient enough to take someone down in armor like that. Mai stood in frozen shock as Ty Lee tugged on her arm. “Come on, let’s get out of here!” She urged.

They were caught—of course they were—and Mai didn’t know if she would ever see Zuko again. Even so, on that day, Mai found the two people that mattered the most to her, and she rediscovered her freedom.


End file.
